I don’t really have much work experience. When I was earning my associates degree, I worked in the accommodations office at my college and did two internships that were required for my field of study. Other than that, I have next to nothing.
This has always been difficult for me because I want to work. I’m currently on SSi and searching for ways to eventually get off of it. I don’t like the fact of getting paid for doing nothing. I understand that I’m disabled and that last line may seem harsh – it’s just how I feel.
I don’t feel like a productive member of society. I can’t drive, and my parents work themselves. So an at-home job would be perfect for me in more ways than one. On top of my cerebral palsy, I additionally have rheumatoid arthritis. Due to both diagnosis’s, I am often fatigued and drained mentally and physically. I don’t often show it, as I’m pretty independent and push through my days.
I am starting my bachelors in psychology later this month. I am so nervous yet excited. I am nervous for my body’s reaction to the stress, once again. I am nervous that after I graduate, I won’t be able to find a job that fits my life with these conditions.
Yes, I can push through and get a typical job, but at what cost? What if I’m so drained I fall asleep, or mess up a task I was given because I can’t physically do it? Or I’m too slow and hold everyone else up?
I want a typical job, but I don’t think it’s ideal for me. This reality is scary because I fear that I won’t make something of my life.
Our society always asks, what do you do? Live, I say, and that has to be enough.
Image credit: Kayla Ruesseler