Rolling Without Limits

Your mobility may be limited. Your voice, boundless.

Wasting Time
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Wasting Time

I remember back when I was working full time. I had my own housecleaning service and I worked five days a week for seven different people. After work I would go home and take a short nap, then jump back in the car and pick up my husband from work. Then you know the drill, back home fix supper, wash dishes, do laundry, walk the dog, finally sit down and watch tv before going to bed. Up the next morning to do it all over again, until the day my strength went away. 

All that time when I was working I would think about the things I would do if only I had some spare time. Maybe I'd do some decorative painting and take an art course, or take riding lessons. Or I'd go hiking and camping or learn a new job skill. Then suddenly, Wham! I have all this extra time, and find myself wasting time. Oh, I have excuses and reasons why I don't get things done. Blame it on the weather or my health or how helping someone else took all my time. Now I am too tired. I can sit and watch movies or talk on the phone and that free time just disappears into thin air.

Sounds good on paper, but I know it's all a lie. I have become lazy out of guilt and fear of not being able to do things as well as before. I tell myself this lie, that things have to be perfect or why bother? Fear is not a good companion, nor is guiltt. Both steal all your talents and abilities to reach beyond these days and grasp for a much better tomorrow.

So today, I dug through my craft supplies and found material for those long skirts I was going to make two years ago. I found wood for woodburning patterns and plastic canvas and lots of colorful yarn and canvases for painting pictures. Do I have the strength to create something for myself? Can I relax and enjoy life as it is now? One question remains. Can I throw away the lies, the fear, and the guilt that hold me back?

What guilt you might ask? Why the guilt of not working, of not pulling my weight and doing my fair share. Deep inside, even though I know it's a lie, I blame myself for being weak. At times I feel worthless and betrayed by my own body. I want my life back. To do all the things that matter and feel worth something again. But how?

Such a simple answer to so many questions. Why didn't I think of it before? Stop wasting time! 

Leave a Comment

  1. Daniel Andrei Garcia
    Daniel Andrei Garcia
    Vote #2 friend. "Deep inside even though I know it's a lie I blame myself for being weak. At times I feel worthless and betrayed by my own body. I want my life back. To do all the things that matter and feel worth something again. But how?" You are not weak my friend. You are strong and you are going to do wonderful things this year. I believe in you. But you have to believe in yourself Power, joy, strength and love to you. ~Danny
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    1. sweedly
      Danny, Thanks for your comment. I know there are many others out there that have shared and felt these same feelings at some point in their lives. It is important to have the means to struggle forward by stopping the wasting of time and trying new things and building new skills. Writing here on this blog is giving me the courage to step out and rebuild my life.
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  2. SignLanguage
    You can do this! You've taken the first step already! Keep going - don't stop! Just do it and you will feel good about finishing it. Voted! When you have the chance, stop by my new article, Deafies in a Wheelchair, and vote if you like it!
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    1. sweedly
      I really appreciate your vote of confidence in me. I am not going to stop writing or sharing my thoughts on this blog. Not only does it give me a chance to do service in helping others, it gives me the chance to improve my life as well. Thanks for voting. I am reading your posts as well.
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  3. pftsusan
    #5. Never quit. Strength comes from the mind first. You have that.
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  4. Broken English
    Broken English
    Voted. Great blog. I often say the same things to myself! You might be interested in my latest blog, Don't Run Before You Can Walk! :-)
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  5. Teresa Thomas
    Teresa Thomas
    Sweedly, I can relate to this post. I'm finding myself in the same situation as yourself. It's called "Procrastination" We need to stop it in its tracks. I'm guilty as well as being lazy. I was working once again for an organization that I've worked for in the past for the amount of a ten year period only to find out, that I no longer have it in me to be working for someone else due to some slight medical issues that plagues me at this time. Therefore, I must start finding something else to do. Like yourself, I too, feel guilty of slacking off of responsibilities. I am the head of the house hold here in my apartment as both, my husband and I are separated. Not officially, or legally, but, separated nonetheless. Therefore, it's my responsibility to provide for myself, as well as for three adults sons whom are still living in the house hold with me. Therefore, I understand how you feel completely. On Monday, I'm going to be buckling down, and start going through some of my books here in my apartment, and start working on finding ways of working here in the home myself. That means, that I will also, have to stop wasting away my own time and do something about it. Will vote.
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